The Great Stupid Mistake
by PlayerWithWords
Summary: Tamaki, being the overly-protective idiot he is, hires the ninjas to protect Haruhi. Then, the unexpected happens. Orochimaru has escaped, but to where? No one knows. So the ninjas in foreign lands are to stay where they are until Orochimaru is caught. Until then, how are the ninjas supposed to survive!
1. Chapter 1

Today, we set out to destroy.

Okay, so well, the fire mostly belongs to Tenten, Lee and Gai-sensei. Neji's just flippant as usual while I'm trying my best to stay neutral.

Don't get me wrong, I hate perverts and all those who make cheap of our womanhood, but we just don't have enough info. Not to mention we were just sent on some D-class mission because the Genins were taking their Chunin exams._ Not to mention_, I'm technically not even a part of their team. I was -

"Reika! Tenten! Could the two of you scope around the school and then tell us where to find you?" Gai gave us a slight smile, speaking in a whisper. He seemed like a nice, serious person. He cracked a few jokes along the way to kill time, so that makes him a good enough person in my book. Plus, he's such a focused, serious sensei. Respect, man, respect.

We were hiding in a tree in a clearing behind the school (Why the hell do they even have a clearing?) and were avoiding the eyes of the security cameras. Not that there were any here. Heck, we thought this school of super-rich people would have loads of security cameras, but _noooooo_ they need privacy. Some even have their own bodyguards. PFFFFFFT. It's not that much of a surprise rapists entered the school.

-LITTLE TO NO CAMERAS  
-OLD AND LAZY GUARDS  
-PRETTY RICH GIRLS WHO SPEND LOTS OF TIME ON THEIR FACE AND MOST LIKELY DON'T KNOW ANY SELF DEFENSE

Rapist bait riiiiiiight

There.

Tenten and I firmly nodded. Giving each other a small smile, we set our eyes on the nearest window to us, which was probably a couple of tens of metres away. Adventurous as usual, Tenten takes a few steps back and sails through the sky, grabbing onto the window ledge at the last minute and smoothly swinging herself over. I easily followed suit. It's really not as hard as it seems.

Grabbing a copy of the school layout, I looked from Tenten, to the map, then back to Tenten again.

"Where're they supposed to be at again?" I asked, my I-hate-the-world senses tingling.

"An unused music room. Why?" I assume hers was tingling too, from the way she looked at me.

"There're about 40 music rooms, evenly spread across the whole campus, which includes the kindergarten, middle school and high school department. Obviously, the layout doesn't say which are unused. So... Well, you get the point. Gai-sensei and the others are gonna wait for some time." I sighed.

A string of obscenities I never knew Tenten was capable of saying left her mouth in an angry utter.

I feel ya, sistah.

"Well, let's go check them out then. Don't want to make them wait long." I smiled, tugging her forward.

She sighs. "Oh well, maybe we'll get lucky and hit the jackpot in the first couple rooms!" She tries for a smile.

My I-hate-the-world senses are tingling again~

* * *

**A/N: BAM! Another story^^ Oh, oh! Update - not changing my username anytime soon~**


	2. Chapter 2

Tenten's words had jinxed us. Badly.

"This... Is... The... Last... Music ... Room... Left..." Tenten panted, pointing at the large mahogany doors. Spending all day running 'round a giant school has not been the best thing ever to happen to me.

Taking a deep breath, anticipating the worse, we gingerly pushed the doors open.

"Welcome," said seven beautiful faces as rose petals brushed at our cheeks.

What.

The.

_Heck?_

Tenten and I gaped in disbelief. Seriously? Where are the rapists? The chains? The victims? The bloodshed? Where is everything we had been warned about?

"Hm? Students from another school?" A blonde, ethereally handsome boy tilted his head at us. "Something happening today, Kyoya?" He turned to face a black-haired, bespectacled boy.

He pushed up his glasses, holding us under his gaze. I have never been so uncomfortable in my life. He looked like he could kill me. "Not that I know of. The uniforms are most curious too."

He narrowed his eyes at us. "Are you lost?" He seemed to be testing the waters, despite his eyes.

I cleared my throat. Might as well make use of this situation. "Well, we're looking for some friends. By any chance, do you know where Hitachiin Kaoru, Hitachiin Hikaru, Fujioka Haruhi or Suou Tamaki is?" I asked politely, ignoring the Kyoya guy.

Tenten whispered in my ear, "Reika, I'll go get Gai-sensei and the rest of the members okay?" I nodded and she saunters outside, the doors slamming behind her.

I turned to face the seven boys.

Most stared after Tenten, heads tilted, but one short, cute little boy giggled. "You're in luck! They're all here~!" He giggled again.

"The Hitachiin twins are the redheads, right?" I asked, unsure, looking to the two identical faces with striking red hair. Normally, at these point, I'd be grabbing them both and pinning them on the floor as they scream and flail, begging me to let them go because I would be pretending I was going to kill them. Or something.

But these two?

Boys. Just boys.

"Totally!" The two identical faces grinned.

"Fujioka?" I cocked my head, giving the group a quick scan.

An androgynous brunette raised his hand. "Haruhi," he said.

"S-Suou?" Why does everyone seem so unaffected by the rapists!?

The ethereally handsome boy blinked. "Here. Can we help you, princess?" He smiled gently, eyes crinkling gracefully.

I resisted the urge to puke on his face at the 'princess' thing and walked over to him. Bending down, speaking in a whisper so that the others wouldn't hear, I murmured, "Suou-san, are you a hundred percent sure those two are the Hitachiin twins?"

He looked to me, seeming slightly coss-eyed. "Of course!"

I sighed. If he says so, then. Well, I guess one really can never judge a book by its cover, huh? Besides, who would lie to us - _us_ - about something like this?

Lunging forward, I pinned the twins beneath me. Luckily the Hitachiin twins were hanging by the side of the group, and no one was standing behind them. After barely even trying to struggle for five seconds, they groaned.

"Fangirl?" One of them rolled his eyes.

I shook my head, rolling mine. Turning, I faced Suou. The others had a shocked and worried look on their faces. It seemed as if they actually cared about the scumbags. What was most surprising though, was that Suou was the most shocked of all.

"Suou-san?" I furrowed my brows.

"U-uh," he stammered, surprised I had turned my attention to him. "I-I don't hate Hikaru and Kaoru i-if that's what you're thinking, so will you please let them go? I'll give you a hug if you do!" He pleaded, eyes already watering.

What.

This is all so weird.

Do I seem like a crazedf fangirl? Do I really? Do I have that desperate air around me?

Rubbing my temples, I sniffed the air around me.

Hmm?

Leaning down, I inhaled the scent of the twins.

Oh my sweet lord.

As I leaned down, I could hear the cries of, "NONONONONO DON'T RAPE THEEEEEEEM!" and "HIKARU! KAORU! RUN AND SAVE YOUR INNOCENCE!" in the background, but I ignored them.

"..." Hikaru and Kaoru had the most confused looks on their faces as they watched their friends freak out and flap their arms. They couldn't even see me on their backs.

"Oi." I called, patting them both on the shoulders.

"What?" They were obviously more annoyed than afraid.

"Are you two virgins?"

The screaming in the background ceased.

"Uh..." One trailed off, shooting his brother some look. The other didn't even look at him, he promptly replied, "Duh." His brother hit the one who answered on his shoulder. "Hikaru!" He scolded.

"You two have the virgin smell." I pursed my lips.

One of them - Hikaru - rolled his eyes. "That's because we are virgins, dammit! Anyway, can you get off of us now?"

Ignoring his request, I asked, "You sure?"

"Duh! I've never blacked out in my entire life!"

"Never had sex?"

"No!"

"Never tried to?"

"No!"

"Never even thought about it?"

"Of course I have! Everyone has!"

"Ever went through with those fantasies?"

"NO!"

"Ever raped someone?"

"OF COURSE NOT YOU IDIOT! GET OFF ME!" Hikaru screeched.

"Hitachiin Kaoru? You?" I patted the other on his back.

"No, I-"

"I WAS ANSWERING FOR BOTH OF US STUPID!" Hikaru yelled, cutting off his brother.

At that moment, Gai-sensei, Tenten, Neji and Lee burst in through the doors, already in their battle stances.

Before they could absorb the sight before them, I said, "I think we've been sent on a false mission."

"What?!" Gai-sensei's voice went up an octave.

Standing up, I brushed invisible limp off my knees. Since the rest of the ninjas were here. What've I got to worry about?

"What just happened?" The brunette - Fujioka - scratched his head.

Tenten looked to Fujioka, then to me, and back again. "Fujioka Haruhi, right? I saw your picture."

"Y-yeah... And how'd you get my picture?"

"Suou Tamaki-san gave it to us."

"W-w-what?!"

Now it was handsome blondie's turn to be shocked. He stared at us, wide-mouthed. "But I've never even met any of you!"

"But you were the one who hired us!" Lee seemed to be most hurt by the situation. Probably something to do with that springtime of youth he kept on rambling about throughout the journey here.

"To do what?" Suou asked back, more afraid than offended.

"To hunt down or kill Hitachiin Hikaru and Kaoru for raping Fujioka Haruhi, of course!" Lee announced cheerfully, punching the air with a fist, like it was the most normal thing in the world.

I think Neji just facepalmed.

"SUOU TAMAKI!" Several voices shrieked at once, advancing on the blonde. Suddenly, remembering what we had to go through to get here, to a false mission, the blonde doesn't seem so handsome anymore. In fact, he seems more tasty. Heck, he would look much better as roasted meat on my dinner plate.

I can taste it already. The bloodlust.

Omnomnomnomnom.

"Wait."

...

IT TALKS! NEJI TALKS!

Everybody freezes at his command.

"Let's sort some things out first. Suou came to Konohagakure last year, am I right?"

Suou nodded slowly, brows furrowed in concentration.

"You then ordered a B rank mission that involved rapists and bloodshed, and you paid for the mission, right?"

Suou grew silent.

"We started the journey to come here to complete our mission two weeks ago and today, we're here, at your request to kill." Neji concluded.

I cleared my throat. "It just so happens that this Suou person seems to have sent us on a false mission. Four reasons. Firstly, the Hitachiin twins are virgins. Secondly, they are comfortable around Fujioka Haruhi, and vice versa. Thirdly, there aren't any torture weapons here, or any other things we were warned about. Lastly, Suou Tamaki looks like an airhead. Scratch that, he _is_ an airhead."

At that same moment, laughter and growls erupt from different sides of the room.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: MENTIONS OF UNSIGHTLY BODY PARTS. IF YOU'RE A WIMP THEN PLEASE GO AWAY**

* * *

Tenten cracks her knuckles, a low growl emitting from her throat. She glares at Tamaki, her eyes burning. Tamaki gulps and cringes. I resist the urge to laugh at his fear because that might affect Tenten's anger. Because - for now at least - I really want to see him in pain.

Tenten slowly advances on him, his friends having already deserted the airhead. Neji's leaning against the wall, giving the most deadly stare ever to Tamaki, exuding a dark aura. Lee's just curled in a fetal position, crouching in a corner and whimpering about youth and murders. I was having a lot of fun watching Tamaki's fear. Weeks of suffering don't just go away like BAM, you know.

The twins are kneeling on the floor, checking each other for injuries.

Aww. Sibling love. That's always nice to see.

Ignoring the violent sounds and cries of help, I walk over to the twins.

When they realize that I was heading for them, one of them glares a hole through my face, while the other just sighs and pats his brother's back.

I'm pretty sure the one that just tried to vaporize my soul with his eyes is Hikaru.

Kneeling down beside them, ignoring Hikaru's ignoring me, I tap Kaoru's shoulder.

So much ignoring going on in this room.

Even Gai's ignoring the situation by completely disappearing from the room.

Seriously, where is that loveable man?

Kaoru whips his head around. "Hey." He grimaces.

Okay, _that,_ makes me feel extremely guilty. But is this my fault? Is it really? Oh wait, I love myself, so screw everything.

Someone snaps his or her fingers in my face.

It's Kaoru.

"Hey, you okay? You aren't seriously thinking about raping us are you? I mean, sure, we're beautiful and sure we're rich, but—"

I stuff my hand inside his mouth.

I mean I would like to, of course.

I would never actually try to choke someone on my fist.

In reality, I just shush him, putting a finger to my lips.

He raises an eyebrow but otherwise stops in his sentence. Crossing his arms, probably taking offense at my interruption, he waits for me to continue. Hikaru on the other hand, is completely_ ignoring_ – Hahaha~ – whatever's going on and has his slumped back facing us.

I very lightly tap Hikaru on the shoulder.

"What?" he barks, probably so annoyed that he doesn't even care who tapped him.

"Hey, Hitachiin-san, I'm uh... Sorry... About the lunging and the invasive questions and thinking you guys were rapists and were thirty-seven, ugly and lonely and stuff."

Hikaru grunts.

I cock my head to the side.

What in the world is that supposed to mean?

Kaoru rolls his eyes. "He means that it's cool. And you should apologise to me too, you know?"

I bow my head slightly. "Yeah. Sorry Hitachiin-san."

Kaoru proceeds to wave it off, even though he was the one who wanted to hear an apology from me in the first place. "No worries. At least your invasive questions saved us."

"Plus the thinking we were," Kaoru makes a face. "Rapists is Highness' fault."

His face darkens tremendously. "And believe me when I say we will get him back for that."

"Although we really didn't need that description of the rapists you thought we were," Hikaru mumbles again, finally turning to face us.

He nods at me, as if seeing me for the first time.

I smile.

I FEEL THAT I AM FORGIVEN!

Not that it was really my fault, anyway. But I can't let Konoha reps be hated everywhere I go! It's a good thing I at least have a small ball of responsibility residing somewhere in my heart. Or my brain. Or is it my gut? I know love is in my heart, wait, or maybe it's in my brain. Or my anus. Maybe everything is in my anus. Maybe that's where the meaning of life resides. In our anuses. MAYBE EVEN –

A sudden boom interrupts my oh-so-life changing train of thoughts. Hikaru and Kaoru who had been ignoring my daydreaming (so much ignoring going on) and had been tending to themselves while I had theorized jump up and whip their heads to the source of noise.

Gai... Sensei?

Oh right, he disappeared and now he's reappearing.

Where'd he go?

And that's one dramatic entrance.

Personally, I would not slam open the doors and proceed to pant and stare intensely at everyone with sweat running down my face.

But he's Gai-sensei. He's a nice, serious, no-joke-unless-necessary man. I mean, it's all encoded in his anus.

"Gai-sensei, where'd you go?" Tenten's voice was low and gruff as her fist froze right in front of the relieved blonde airhead's face.

"Tsunade-sama called."

Upon hearing that, all the ninjas jump up and race to Gai-sensei's side. Except Neji, who was already standing by the door. Always manages to conveniently be the cool one, that person. Tenten also very carelessly flung and dropped Tamaki on the way.

"Why?" Is what tumbles out our mouths.

Gai-sensei sits on the floor and we follow suit.

"Well, you know Orochimaru? He escaped."

"What?!" Lee's round eyes grew even rounder.

"To another world, which makes it even more complicated. So she wants all the ninja in other worlds to position themselves there and to call for backup if necessary until further notice."

Silence.

"How long?" Neji asks what is on all of our minds.

"Until Orochimaru is caught."

Our eyes bulge out of our sockets.

"Or eighteen months, maximum." A grin lights up his face.

I sigh. Oh how I adore the normally serious man, sacrificing his grave face to reassure his students.

The airhead, who had apparently been eavesdropping on us, proceeds to flail and scream, "HEY GUYS GUESS WHAT?! THEY SAID THEY'RE STAYING AT MY PLACE FOR EIGHTEEN MONTHS!"

"WHAT?!" Tenten whips her head around, burning him with her fassion (a word I created just for Tenten to describe her 'fiery passion'. I am so creative.)

"Or… they can stay at mine!" The small blonde cutie chirps. "I'm Hani, by the way!" He grins.

"They're more than welcome to stay at mine, if, of course, Tamaki pays for their rent." The bespectacled guy flashes us a blinding smile.

Wow.

"Wait, why are they staying in the first place?" Fujioka questions.

We sigh.

"Condensed version: Someone from our world escaped. This super wanted person. And since our Hokage gave the order for us to stay and keep watch, we kinda have to," Tenten quickly finishes.

Blank stares surround us.

Not getting up from the floor, I wave them over with a frown.

"You should sit down. It's a long story."

* * *

**A/N: Heyyy~ So this is actually one of my favourite stories to work on, despite how the update times tell a different story ^^||| So sorry how this is short!**

**Anyway, life is bad. Homework, homework and more homework. Especially during the holidays. I absolutely dread holidays because they just pile assignment after assignment on us. Awful, I tell you.**

**Enough about my life then! So, this story is a bit on the whack-o side, and in a sense, I'd like to write this story with you guys. So any comments or details or plot twists you have in mind, you can always review or drop me a PM. I'll try to fit it in if it works out.**


	4. Chapter 4

Kyoya folds his arms.

"We now understand the dynamics of a ninja society and who exactly this Orochimaru is and all, but I distinctly remember you saying something about _another world_?"

Raising a brow, he awaits an answer.

"Oh. That." For some reason, I decide to embarrass myself by letting out a nervous laugh.

In a heartbeat, Tenten clears her throat and launches into another lecture.

The girl knows her shit I tell you.

"You might've noticed by now we only have these sort of countries in our world: Fire Country, where our village is, Wave Country, Earth Country and so on. But in your world, you live in Tokyo, located in Japan, in Asia, one of the 7 continents, where countries like Australia, Singapore, America, Norway and so on are located. We have a completely different map with completely different countries. It's a completely different world."

A few heads nod.

"So we found out we were able to travel across worlds - or dimensions, if that's what you prefer to call them - when one of the ninja before us stumbled upon a forest and found himself someplace else. I don't know how he knew where he was, or how he got back, because it was that long a time ago, but he did. Nobody really cared though, or maybe he didn't tell anyone, but he did record his story down, and recently, some researcher with a lot of free time located the forest and – since the forest also changes location all the time – the researcher somehow managed to find a way to locate the forest's whereabouts. Orochimaru either got lucky and found the forest, or he somehow knew how to locate it or something. But that's the background info. So you don't really have to know all this." Tenten shrugs.

It's like she swallowed a textbook. Sometimes I wonder if she secretly rehearses all these lectures to a mirror.

Maybe that's how she makes friends.

But Tenten isn't that socially awkward!

Tenten smiles at the non-nin people.

Yup. Not socially awkward at all.

Awesome girl. I'd hit on her if I were a guy.

_Hey Tenten, you know those birds that live in crocodiles' mouths?_

_I want to live in your mouth._

_(Insert lip licking here)_

I'd be a great male playa.

Hikaru's voice (I can tell because I noticed their fringes were swept to different sides of their face) snaps me out of my train of thought. "So this forest is like the portal to all of the worlds in this universe?"

We exchange glances.

"Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows how many worlds are out there? How many are evolving?" Neji monotones.

That is so deep.

Hani then pipes up, "Oh, and how long did it take for you guys to get here?"

"2 weeks," ninja minus sensei chorus, eyes narrowing at airhead.

He makes a little eep and proceeds to avoid eye contact with us entirely, cold sweat forming on his face as his frame shakes slightly.

I hear the meat of wimps taste particularly good.

Maybe it's because we don't have to work as hard to kill them.

HAHAHAHAHA

"Why so long?" Haruhi tilts her head.

I try to say something worthwhile, "Okay, so it's not that simple. We don't just go into a forest, lalala, and we get transported here. If we step into the forest with a world in mind, the tree that houses the world we want to go to - all the trees are hollow, by the way, like Narnia's - will grow a golden leaf.

"Unfortunately,"

Cue dramatic sigh.

"It's one leaf, so we have spend a hell lot of time in this ginormous forest trying to spot that one leaf that's going to take us here.

"And then when we find that stupid tree, we enter the large hole at its base and we emerge in another world on the other end. Pretty simple stuff. What's worse is that we actually arrived in some countryside of Japan. And then we had to spend even more time trying to get here!"

Because I'm a girl with emotions, I proceed to rant,

"We were like, oh it's okay! All this pain will be well spent if we can punish those rapists! Then two weeks of pure _suffering _later, we get here and then Tenten and I have to go through every. Single. Music. Room. Because our only instruction was that the non-existent rapists were in an unused music room. How many music rooms do you have?! Then when we actually find this place -"

Tenten, who has become agitated again, cuts me off, "- we find out we've done an idiot's mission!"

She abruptly stands up, her figure looming over the wimp's.

"I will get you. Mark my words. I will tear you apart!" She growls.

Such cliché lines, but somehow, Agitated Tenten pulls them off.

Yup, would totally hit on her if I was a guy. Or gay.

"Oh!"

All attention turns to the one who dare disrupt Agitated Tenten.

Turns out it's Kaoru.

He looks to us, eyes suddenly wide.

"Is this top secret info?"

"Yup!" I reply without a second thought.

"What? Reika, are you serious? Then why are you even telling us this?"

My eyes grow large.

Then I shrug. "Guess we'll have to kill you now. Completes our mission anyway."

Tenten lets a blood-curdling smile distort her face.

* * *

**A/N: Wasn't the best chapter, but it explains some things. I'm a sucker for logic. As twisted and fairytale-like as it may be. If there's anything that was explained poorly, do drop me a PM and I'll fix it ASAP! Also, if you have any ideas, any suggestions, _any at_** **all, do feel free to drop me a PM and I'll try to fit it into the story! **

**Really, any at all! ^^**


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